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Remember the Bumpdate

We were definitely on a high with how awesome Alexander was being with all of the testing we were going through from 32 weeks. I was in and out of testing 2-4 times a week with appointments and consultations. Alexander was tiny and not growing as they had anticipated so we would find out in one week - what the decision was. Whether Alexander was healthy enough to stay in til he was ready or bring him in earlier than expected.

I spent the majority of the week scared, stressed, worried and blaming myself. I spent the better half of my pregnancy listening to people practically blame me for not gaining weight, for Alexander not growing - you name it. Who knew mom guilt would come so early? I heard it all..

"you should eat ____ and _____"

"We need to fatten you up" 

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Oh.. you've only gained ___ lbs? Thats not good at all. Aren't you worried about the baby at all?"

Typical mom. 

I woke up that morning, knowing very well, that the decision was made a few months before hand. So, I sat in his room reading a book and had a conversation with him. About women vs hoes, about making good choices, about eating when he got out so that people could see it was NOT my fault - and most of all, that I was proud of him for not leaving us, for being a pain in my belly button, and that I  we absolutely, indefinitely loved him.

So Nick took the time to let me get ready. He reminded me we were doing great. See.. months before we were in the ER with bleeding - thinking we were going to lose the baby. So worry came second nature and the fact that I worked so hard on keeping Alexander in .. only to have to worry about pulling him out before his time.. was something Nick reminded me was OUT OF MY CONTROL.

We spent the week finalizing things, his room, his laundry, our bags, our sanity. lol. 
As much as we wanted him to stay in and grow - we couldn't wait for him to be with us!